East of Eden

I'm reading East of Eden by John Steinbeck.  It's such a good book.  I'm not very far into it right now but there are two brothers, Charles and Adam.  Their father's name was Cyrus who has just passed away.  Charles loved his father and tried everything to get him to notice him.  Cyrus' affections were always for Adam.  

Right now, Cyrus has just passed away and Charles asks Adam if he ever loved their father.  Adam says that he did not.

Charles was the more rough and tough of the two brothers.  Cyrus, the father, poured a lot of time and energy into Adam who was more calm, soft spoken, and reserved.  One time when they were younger, Charles pretty much beat the tar out of Adam.

At any rate, when Adam told Charles that there were times that he loved their father and times he did not, Charles began to sob.  This particular scene is such a true depiction of the importance of a father in the lives of their children.  Here you see Charles as a grown man with a calloused heart affected by the ill treatment his father showed him as a child and into adulthood.

I feel as though in my family, my brothers and me share each others victories and good times.  As I write this, this reminds me that I need to call my brother Jason who just celebrated another birthday!

We were well loved by our parents in my house.  We are all very different in our own unique ways, just like Adam and Charles were, but know that we will always be there for one another.  This coming year, my youngest brother will be getting married and I couldn't be more proud of him.  Jason has ventured out and started his own business.  Chris is our intellect and Seminary Student, and also happens to be very well read.  Could not be the person I am today without my dad's direction, a few butt kicking from my older brothers, and a life time of memories with my 3 brothers.

I'll have more to come as I get further along and meet new characters within this great read, East of Eden.

Resemblance

This past weekend, I went home to Tyler to visit my family.  It was too short a trip.  I was so exhausted from the long week of work, and the drive from Austin to Tyler.  It was nice and relaxing time.

Sunday morning I went into the grocery store that my dad works at and bought some stamps for my mother.  I walked in and immediately the store manager assisted me.  I told her that the store looked so nice and that I was happy to see they had torn the old one down to rebuild this brand new one.  She asked me if I had ever been inside and I told her that I had, and that my dad worked in the meat market.  Immediately, she knew that I was Eduardo Garza's son.  I smiled and told her that he was most definitely my dad.  She said he was such a nice man and I could not agree more.  I told her that he was the most kind, and generous man that I knew and that he served my mother and our family with so much love and compassion.  

Later on when I got home and my dad was off from work, he told me the store manager went back and told him that she had met his son.  My dad asked her which one she met, and she replied, "el guerrito," which means the white one in Spanish.  I guess it was obvious that we were family in how I spoke, my eyes, the way I comb my hair, the boots I wear, and the fair skin.  After this encounter I started to think how much I look like my earthly dad and it made me wonder if people ever meet me and know who my Heavenly Father is.  I wondered if when they speak with me, do I bring words of life, or the opposite.  My desire is that people meet me and they know I belong to The Lord in how I talk, how I love, how I conflict, how I work, and in essence, the way that I live my life in loving people.

I am quite honored that the lady that served me at the grocery store knew I was Eduardo's son because I know who he serves as well.  I am even more so honored when people know that I belong to Jesus.  What I have learned in my walk with The Lord is, it's not about looking good on the outside, and saying the right things, but just being real about where you are in your current state and trusting He has made all things new by sending his Son to die for your sins.

Giving Feedback

Leadership is a tough thing.  Every one is different.  A lot of times I want to be tough, mean, hard driving, in your face, a yeller, and I've come to realize, that's just not me the majority of the time.

Growing up, my mom and dad would both frustrate me.  It's funny because my mom would just get on to me, tell me I'm in sin, or flat out spank me with "the chancla."  Chancla is Spanish for house shoe and boy, were me and my brothers terrified of that object!  My dad was more calm, and would want to talk about the consequences of our actions.  We'd always tell him, "dad, you're just mad because mom is mad at us."  He would say, "you're right."  Then, we'd get swatted!  My dad was great at giving us constructive feedback, and doing it lovingly.  I truly believed it hurt him to have to punish us but ultimately, his heart in doing so was so that we'd grow up and be real men.

Constructive criticism has not always been a big trait of mine but I've learned that it's actually more loving to provide that feedback.  A lot of times, people are not even aware of the areas they struggle with.  It's kind of like having a pepper right down the middle of your two front teeth, and you're talking to a guest ready to take an order.  You're cheesing ear to ear and the whole time, your customer can't help but notice the massive gap between your teeth.  Afterwards, you look into a mirror and notice the pepper only to wonder how many people spoke with you, and never told you about the pepper!  I always think to myself, "why did no one tell me?!"

The reason giving constructive criticism can be so uncomfortable is because you never know how the other person will receive it.  Chances are, they will be hurt or upset at first but the really positive outcome is that it creates a follow up conversation or dialogue about areas of opportunity for both parties to improve in.

When I look back at leaders who have had impacts in my life, it's always those leaders who had integrity and drove me to be better, that have truly helped me to be the man I am today.  Being a christian, I know I am not where I need to be but am a work in progress, just like the people I have been entrusted to guide within my new endeavor.  Below are a few things to remember when giving feedback:

1.  Connect with the person you are giving constructive criticism to.  Also, it's a good idea to sit on the same side of the table as them to let them know you are allies in this growing process.

2.  Look out for their best interests.

3.  Find a way to show how negative behaviors affect the overall goals/values of the organization.

4.  Always try to encourage them rather than tear them down.

5.  Never say, "You're doing a great job, BUT....."  That really means, they're doing a bad job.

6.  Work together on solutions to help the other person grow and develop.

7.  Make sure to follow up and give them a progress report of where they have come from.  Let them know how they're doing.  Has it gotten better, or worse?  Chances are, it could be getting worse, and at that point, you may have to just decide it's best if both parties go their separate ways.