Giving Feedback

Leadership is a tough thing.  Every one is different.  A lot of times I want to be tough, mean, hard driving, in your face, a yeller, and I've come to realize, that's just not me the majority of the time.

Growing up, my mom and dad would both frustrate me.  It's funny because my mom would just get on to me, tell me I'm in sin, or flat out spank me with "the chancla."  Chancla is Spanish for house shoe and boy, were me and my brothers terrified of that object!  My dad was more calm, and would want to talk about the consequences of our actions.  We'd always tell him, "dad, you're just mad because mom is mad at us."  He would say, "you're right."  Then, we'd get swatted!  My dad was great at giving us constructive feedback, and doing it lovingly.  I truly believed it hurt him to have to punish us but ultimately, his heart in doing so was so that we'd grow up and be real men.

Constructive criticism has not always been a big trait of mine but I've learned that it's actually more loving to provide that feedback.  A lot of times, people are not even aware of the areas they struggle with.  It's kind of like having a pepper right down the middle of your two front teeth, and you're talking to a guest ready to take an order.  You're cheesing ear to ear and the whole time, your customer can't help but notice the massive gap between your teeth.  Afterwards, you look into a mirror and notice the pepper only to wonder how many people spoke with you, and never told you about the pepper!  I always think to myself, "why did no one tell me?!"

The reason giving constructive criticism can be so uncomfortable is because you never know how the other person will receive it.  Chances are, they will be hurt or upset at first but the really positive outcome is that it creates a follow up conversation or dialogue about areas of opportunity for both parties to improve in.

When I look back at leaders who have had impacts in my life, it's always those leaders who had integrity and drove me to be better, that have truly helped me to be the man I am today.  Being a christian, I know I am not where I need to be but am a work in progress, just like the people I have been entrusted to guide within my new endeavor.  Below are a few things to remember when giving feedback:

1.  Connect with the person you are giving constructive criticism to.  Also, it's a good idea to sit on the same side of the table as them to let them know you are allies in this growing process.

2.  Look out for their best interests.

3.  Find a way to show how negative behaviors affect the overall goals/values of the organization.

4.  Always try to encourage them rather than tear them down.

5.  Never say, "You're doing a great job, BUT....."  That really means, they're doing a bad job.

6.  Work together on solutions to help the other person grow and develop.

7.  Make sure to follow up and give them a progress report of where they have come from.  Let them know how they're doing.  Has it gotten better, or worse?  Chances are, it could be getting worse, and at that point, you may have to just decide it's best if both parties go their separate ways.